The Pursuit of Democracy in the Middle East

I've decided to write each of these things as separate blog posts so that they stand in their own right and don't detract from each other.

This is what, to my eyes at least is the most important thing happening in the world right now. The Middle East Protests. Since December 17th when Mohamed Bouazizi, a 26 year old street vendor, set himself on fire in Tunisia, protests have developed in Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen, Bahrain and Iran, rumours of protests in Jordan and Morocco. Reports have come out today of a man in Senegal setting himself on fire in what has to be assumed to be a deliberate reference to Bouazizi's deliberate immolation. In all these countries people are marching, and in many fighting and dying in pursuit of a concept we in the west proudly boast about yet far too often take for granted, Democracy. Such a basic premise, the idea that everyone's voices should be heard within a nation, that people's rights should be respected, that governments should serve, rather than exploit the people of the nation. Horrific scenes are unfolding day by day (if anyone doubts just how horrific they can watch this video from Bahrain, http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fwnUQcKXmMM but it is very graphic so consider yourself warned), the worst of which seems to be in Bahrain and Libya, where there are reports of government officials explaining that if people engage in the protests they are "committing suicide".

One of the uncomfortable truths for the 'west' is that a number of these governments that people are attempting to overthrow, are ones which have been supported financially, and with military supplies, by ourselves, especially the United States and the UK; Egypt and the Bahrain are the primary examples of this. I've been trying to remain up to date with the news from these states (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2011/feb/18/middle-east-protests-live-updates) has been particularly useful in this regard. I am under no illusions about the likelihood that in all these cases, or even any, the people will get the government their revolutionary spirit merits. History has taught us often enough that revolutions often only provoke cycles of violence that only come to an end when someone equally as dictatorial as the person kicked out in the first place. However i hope (and if i was religious i'd consider this something well worth a whole heap of prayers) that at least some of those brave people find a form of democracy that makes all their efforts worthwhile.

I can't imagine the courage it takes to go out onto the streets and protest in states like the ones mentioned above. So many brave men and women are putting their freedom and their lives at risk, simply in pursuit of the freedoms we hold dear. I hope it doesn't get any worse, but it seems almost inevitable that it will for the time being.

I have to hope that at some point in the future this unrest will die down because the majority, but preferably all, of the governments which have ruled that region with violence, corruption and nepotism have been replaced with something closer to the democracy we hold dear. It may be a naive hope, but it would seem cruel to hope for anything less.

The "Spin Doctor" Comes To Town

I'm planning a few posts for today, got a bunch of stuff i want to put down in blog form.

The first thing i want to write about is the visit of Alastair Campbell to De Montfort University. He was attending a Q&A session organised by my universities Politics society. After a few pre-set questions it was opened up to a relative free for all and it made for a pretty entertaining use of an evening. Campbell was every bit the polished performer you would expect, coming across with a combative charm and an admirable ability to get his audience on side.

Now how much of what he says can be trusted is a subject that has been debated plenty and i kept that in mind while listening to him, but in some ways that didn't detract from the experience. Partly because a degree of skepticism is a good thing when listening/reading to any politician or media outlet, partly because i went there as much to see a master of PR at work as to learn any great political or social lessons.

Like him or loathe him he is an expert in those kind of situations, coming across as open, opinionated, passionate and when he needs to be charming. He played it fairly safe on political issues; a few digs at Cameron, Clegg and Thatcher were never likely to go down badly with an audience predominantly made up of university students and lecturers, but he did impress me with how open he was when talking about his struggles in the past with alcohol abuse, depression and his time writing porn under a pseudonym.

Another reason for my interest in what he had to say is that he is a man who has worked extensively on both sides of the politics/media divide and as a Journalism and Politics student it would have been a huge waste to pass up on the opportunity.

This is a man who was involved to a large degree in many of the major political events of my lifetime so it would be remiss to not talk a little about the political issues he covered/was questioned on. Unsurprisingly i found myself agreeing with him quite regularly; he made some good points about the coalition and criticised elements of Conservative policy which i already knew i disagreed with.

Sit me in a room with a Labour supporter who spends a lot of his time attacking the Tory's and inevitably i will find plenty to agree with them on, it's hardly an achievement by him that i applauded his criticism of Cameron's poorly thought out concept of 'The Big Society' (something i'll cover in a bit more detail shortly). I do feel solid claims of what Labour would be doing instead were conspicuously absent, though another example of the open nature of his replies was a moment where he pointed out to someone attacking Thatcherism for de-regulating the banks, that Labour hadn't done anything to reverse that process. Also unsurprisingly he made some regret laden remarks about the fact that the Iraq dossier led to such a breakdown in the nation's trust of politicians, while defending the actual decision to go to war, just as he did at the Chilcot Enquiry. He was particularly engaging when talking about his memories of the Northern Ireland peace process and his pride in being involved with that was clear to see.

Overall i found myself questioning whether the fact that he is such a skilled PR man, such a professional performer, such an experienced political animal, makes him a better or worse politician? Sure he is seen by many, at times including me, as one of the prime examples of how little you can trust any politician, but somewhat sadly it can definitely be argued that politics today is as much about how you deliver your message as what the message actually is and if you believe that to be the case, Alastair Campbell has to be considered to be one of the better politicians out there.

All in all, an entertaining and very interesting evening, now i just sit back and wait for his next argument with Sky News' Adam Boulton, the first being a definite highlight of the 2010 election for me. If i'm honest, i suspect Alastair is looking forward to it to.

A Day Set Aside For Awkward Romance

Today (at least when i started writing this), February 14th 2011, is Valentines Day, obviously. For better or worse, for romantic and commercialised reasons, for all the sweet moments and all the artificially tacky ones, the day is inescapably wrapped up in thoughts of love and relationships.

Now anyone who knows me at all well, knows two things about me. Firstly, that I have been a little unlucky when it comes to girls. Secondly, I have not dealt with that lack of success all that well. It's most likely a self-perpetuating thing, but it has often struck me as cruelly ironic that the very things that make me crave a relationship and so hyper aware of my singledom, are also the things that make me less appealing to girls. Seems a little mean really.

Because of this, February 14th isn't my favourite day of the year. I'm far too prone to over zealous analysis of my own life. I do it at the best of times, but Valentines Day, and the week leading up to it, are far from the best of times for me.

Yes it is horribly commercialised, with so many companies unashamedly attempting to make financial gains from people's awkward but well meant attempts at showing another person how much they mean.

Yes it is a damn shame that so many people use Valentines Day as an opportunity to excuse 364 days of being a less than fantastic partner. I whole heartedly agree with the commonly stated argument that you shouldn't need a specific day or a financially driven marketing campaign to encourage you to show affection to someone you care about.

Yes it puts an obscene amount of pressure on people to shell out money and make big declarations when it undoubtedly would be preferable that the progress of a relationship didn't come down to a date on a calendar.

Despite all that I don't dislike Valentines Day itself, i definitely don't begrudge any of the couples out there their happiness, not even for a moment. I hate the power the day has over me. I hate that i find the whole duration of Valentines so fucking hard. I would love it if I was just a little bit stronger and a little bit more reserved. I wish i'd had healthier distractions this weekend, but a combination of people going home, the majority of my friends being in long term relationships and the fact that there are a few too many reminders of my failed attempts to find romance among my friendship circle both at home and at uni has meant that I have been alone with my frustratingly melodramatic thoughts more than is necessarily advisable.

I'm doing my best to be optimistic (not something that always comes that naturally to me) about the future and i really hope that somewhere in the years ahead will be a Valentines Day i can enjoy in totally cheesy excess. For now i guess i just have to soldier on and i wholeheartedly wish everybody who has spent today with the person they like, or spent the day simply liking someone, every happiness in the world. Just because i'm not hand in hand with the love of my life tonight doesn't mean that i'm going to let myself become a bitter old man (no matter how tempting that sounds) and start being grumpy about people liking each other, regardless of how they choose to express that affection.

I started this blog so i could write honest, open snippets of my internal monologue and because of that initial intent, i don't apologise if this post has come across as cheesy, naive or melodramatic. This is a pretty honest representation of the stuff that's been going through my head over the last week, just more coherent and with marginally better grammar.

However i reckon i'll finish this blog with some slightly more light hearted elements.

First up, my top 5 fictional girls. These are girls in films/TV/books who for various reasons i'm pretty sure i'd fall for given half a chance if i met them in real life (The order is pretty flexible tbh)

1. Emma (From David Nicholls' novel "One Day")

2. Sam (From Garden State (2004), played by Natalie Portman)

3. Wichita (From Zombieland (2009) played by Emma Stone)

4. Victoria (From How I Met Your Mother, series 1, played by Ashley Williams)

5. Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles (From Pushing Daisies, played by Anna Friel)

Secondly, this is perhaps one of the most heart warming videos i've ever watched, makes me smile every time and i don't give a shit how cheesy that makes me - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Finally i stumbled across this montage video via the director Edgar Wright's twitter and at one of the points today where i was at the height of direction-less frustration and bitterness it cheered me up a bit - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JdZcy59BYo

I hope today was a good day.

Things that have intrigued me this week

I'm going to cover a few different topics in this blog, i had several things i wanted to write about but none of them particularly in enough depth to justify an individual post.

First up - EGYPT

Yesterday saw Hosni Mubarak step down after 30 years of dictatorial rule as Egypt's president. It was the outcome that so many Egyptians had been bravely pursuing over the last few weeks. In a movement that mirrored in so many ways the revolution in Tunisia that preceded it, a huge proportion of the population rose up against a regime which had become synonymous with corruption, unemployment, brutality, repression and nepotism. The revolution was organised to a large degree on the internet, through facebook and twitter and has been a wonderfully powerful example of the innate power and potential within any populace. I'll leave the description of the actual day to a journalism much more capable of explaining this momentous day, Robert Fisk, a reporter for the Independent who lives in the Middle East (in Lebanon) and knows an awful lot more about the situation than i do - http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/africa/robert-fisk-a-tyrants-exit-a-nations-joy-2212487.html . I really hope the Egyptian people get the government their revolutionary efforts have deserved. I'm trying to ignore my natural cynicism about revolutions, hoping that the lessons of history prove irrelevant and that the removal of Mubarak doesn't simply lead to another dictator or a permanent military leadership. For now though i'm just happy that Mubarak is gone, that the passion, and in a tragic number of cases, lives of the Egyptians that took part in this revolution has not been in vain and that it is yet another example of people refusing to settle for the government they have.

Secondly - The Fighter

Saw this film on Wednesday and i have to say i was VERY impressed. I'm not the biggest fan of sports films in general, and find boxing films even less appealing normally as i've never been able to muster any passion for that particular sport. I have a lot of respect for it, it's incredibly tactical, it requires a level of physical fitness few sports demand and it has the potential to be incredibly dramatic. Saying all that though, i've never really connected with it. I've watched several boxing matches and though as i said i respect the endeavour, i don't really enjoy it.

The Fighter however is an excellent sports movie and a superb boxing movie. For once the challenge facing the 'hero' (Micky) isn't his own demons, but the demon's of the people around him, especially his mother and his former boxer brother (Dicky). The family dynamics were portrayed brilliantly, the dilemma of having to balance your own interests and your family's hopes perfectly displayed. It also taps into that staple of American cinema, the fear of being trapped into a particular future. As fears go it's up there with the fear of terrorists and the fear of a liberal social agenda for many Americans.

The script is good, the shooting is excellent (mixing standard cinematic techniques with documentary film making and elements of sports camera work) but it is the central performances that make this film superb. Though the entire cast is great, the film relies on 4 performances in particular to achieve the quality this film offers.

Bale (Dicky) will get many of the headlines and the awards for his portrayal of a man whose potential was destroyed by addiction and weak will power. From the moment he first appears on screen, shockingly thin and bursting with nervous energy, it is obvious that this is a long way away from the Batman performances that offer very little for him to work with. He is brilliant throughout, capturing a whole rang of conflicting emotions and motivations with all the subtlety of a truly great actor, which perhaps he is, time will tell.

Equally important are the performances of Amy Adams and Melissa Leo. Adams plays Micky's romantic interest and is a wonderfully atypical romantic lead. She's powerful, spirited and gets some of the best lines in the entire film. The scenes involving her and Micky's objectionable sisters (there's a lot of them) are some of the funniest, filled with tension and brilliant put downs. Leo is superb as Micky's mother, playing a deliberately dislikeable role excellently. She could in many ways be considered to be the villain of the piece (don't worry, this isn't a spoiler of any value) yet the performance has enough complexity that i never dismissed her as without redemption despite her manipulative role throughout.

It may lack the drama of the aforementioned three, but Wahlberg's performance as Micky, the boxer at the centre of this tale, is superb. He ties the whole plot together, offering a stable yet intriguing centre to the chaotic relationships around him. The film wouldn't work without that performance, it would feel like a collection of caricatures, yet it will not gain any awards most likely and will get little critical recognition. It is like the classic comedy scenario, the funny man wouldn't be anywhere near as amusing without the straight man to play off, in the same way none of the other performances would reach the heights they do without Wahlberg's influence. As with any good sports movie, you are rooting for him throughout, but there is an impressive depth to his character that i feel set this apart from the majority of sports movies.

Thirdly - Music

This bit is just a selection of recommendations. A collection of bands and artists that i consider worth a listen. There's an old favourite who i always try to champion, Frank Hamilton, who plays superb acoustic folk music with lyrics that capture a very English sense of romance. There's Hannah Trigwell, an acoustic singer from Leeds with huge potential who i hope gets the recognition her talent deserves. The new White Lies album is excellent, capturing the epic quality and catchy hooks that the first album delivered while moving on enough to be praise worthy in it's own respect. I've really been enjoying the new Boxer Rebellion album as well, subtle and in places atmospheric, yet with an extremely enjoyable eye for a tune. The last one i'm going to mention in this post is the Cee Lo Green album, that man has the voice of a god and an ability to create a song that you don't even mind getting stuck in your head.

Finally - Football

I'm starting to get properly nervous about the Forest v QPR match. Any game away at the league leaders is a big one, but especially as all the teams around us managed to win today it puts more pressure on us. If i'm being honest i'd take a defeat tomorrow if we could win the 3 after as i feel they're going to be more important in the grand scheme of things. I don't really mind whether we win the league, so long as we go up automatically. As with any Forest fan i really don't want to go through the play offs, they are a simply evil creation. I'm going to the home match against Preston on the 22nd and can't wait, i've well and truly caught the football bug again in the last few months (see an earlier post if you want to read more about my susceptibility to that particular illness).

I watched the Manchester derby today and though it didn't entirely live up to the hype, as games between the big teams in the Premiership go it was pretty entertaining. As much as i'd like to believe otherwise for entertainments sake, i can't see anyone catching Man U now, they're winning regardless of whether they play well and that, as anyone, especially pundits, will tell you repeatedly, is the mark of champions. I'd love it if Arsenal could catch them, i like Wenger and it'd just make a nice change from either Man U or Chelsea winning the league but i can't really see it. At the other end of the league, despite their inspirational comeback i can't see West Ham staying up this year, which is a shame as i have a definite soft spot for them. My tips for the Premiership would be:

1. Manchester United

2. Arsenal

3. Manchester City

4. Chelsea

..................................................................................................

18. West Brom

19. Wigan

20. West Ham

I refuse to make any predictions about the Championship as it has a habit of making anyone who dares to do so look very foolish.

So yeah, this was a random collection of some of the things that have been interesting me this week, i hope it made some vague sense.

"Get Off The Nuclear Warhead"

10 points to anyone who knows instantly which film that quote is from.

I'd like to think i'm fairly knowledgeable when it comes to films. I watch quite a lot of films every month. I reckon i watch a reasonably mixed variety of films, not limiting myself to any one particular genre. I've watched films from Soviet Russia, 1920's Germany, 30's USA, from Brazil, France, South Africa and Japan. I love watching films that challenge me, films which make me think, films which have depth and complexity.

I also adore films like "Armageddon". I love sitting down and watching an utterly stupid film. The medium of film is all about escapism and films like the previously mentioned asteroid apocalypse film, or Independence Day, or Dead Snow (Nazi zombies. Need i say more?) achieve that escapism with a gleeful abandon that i really think should be admired rather than treated with snobby disdain.

I doubt Michael Bay ever intended the Transformers films to go down in history as cinematic classics; judging from what he actually produced i'd guess he wanted to make an entertaining film that paid only the most passing lip service to reality and which would only have been inconvenienced by a complex plot.

Yet so many of the reviews decided to focus on tearing apart the plot or criticising the dialogue. The Transformers films are genre pieces and should be viewed within the context of their genre. As with shadows in film noir, last minute reunions in Rom-Coms, underdog victories in Sports movies or poorly thought through plans in horror movies, wooden dialogue and a plot that not just could, but probably should, have been created by a 6 year old are pre-requisites for a good summer blockbuster.

This weekend i watched "Armageddon", i also watched "Jackass 2" and only a few days earlier i sat down to "The Other Guys". Now none of these films will be remembered in 30 or 40 years time most likely, and rightly so. They're not classics, they don't do anything particularly new or clever, they don't challenge the audience beyond asking for a high threshold for the suspension of disbelief and they don't include Oscar-worthy performances. And they never attempted to.

These, and films like them, only ever aspired to entertain an audience for a couple of hours. They're films made purely as entertainment rather than artistic or intellectual masterpieces. For 2 and a bit hours they invite an audience to lose themselves in a world of unrealistic heroes and villains, excessive explosions and cheesy one-liners.

I for one am grateful for the service they provide. They may not be the important films of any particular year, but they have a crucial role to play and i feel much of the criticism is, if not unjustified, at least unnecessary or even irrelevant.

As much as i enjoyed "Shutter Island", "Fight Club", "Donnie Darko", as much as i suspect i will enjoy "The King's Speech", "The Fighter" and "Winter's Bone", the two films i'm currently most excited about are "Battle Los Angeles" (a film being billed as 'Black Hawk Down with aliens') and "Sucker Punch" (a film in which five girls battle WW1 Germans, robotic samurai and dragons).

Films which are entertaining and idiotic in equal amounts have a permanent place in my heart and i'm really hoping those next two live up to the sheer low brow excitement of some of their predecessors.

The Imperfections of Life

Life is so rarely perfect that to search for perfection to the extent of neglecting the reality of your life is a foolish pursuit. Things rarely pan out just how we’d want them to. No matter how much you want something to happen, there is every chance you will be powerless to actually make it come about. There is every chance that the thing you least want to happen will come about, instead of the thing you most wish for. You might start something with the best intentions, yet find that without any obvious slip, you have ended up with less than you expected, sometimes less than you began with. If you ever start to feel that everything is starting to come together in your life, something will come along which will spoil it, life will throw something at you that you just couldn’t be prepared for.

This may all sound a bit depressing but I don’t believe it should be. I believe all these statements to be true of life, all these things can happen, and given a little time I could probably name a situation in which each has happened to me, and I’m certain I’m not unique in that respect. However this doesn’t make me feel at all down, for it is the crap that life throws at you that makes you appreciate the good, it is the bad times which elevate the good in your memory. If everything went perfectly well all the time, if we always got what we wanted, then we would be bored and unappreciative.

Deal with what life throws at you, twist it and turn it until you can find the positive, for it is a cliché I know, but the vast majority of situations can have a silver lining, you just have to be inclined to look for it.

Sometimes there are times in our lives where dealing is pretty much impossible, when the obstacles are too great and the tragedies too traumatic. If you find yourself unable to deal, unable to make sense of what is happening and draw anything other than negatives from it, then reset your aims. If you cannot deal then just survive, go from day to day until life seems less hopeless and the darkness recedes. There is no shame in holding your hands up and saying that all you can manage to do is keep going for a while.

Surviving isn’t living, and eventually you have to pull yourself out no matter how much it hurts, for the effort will be rewarded eventually.

Life is rarely if ever perfect, things won’t always turn out how you want, you may have too much or too little of something, whether it be time, possessions or love, but the trick is to accept the imperfection and cherish what you do have, for only then can you truly be happy.

I write this fully aware that far too often i fail to maintain the idealistic and determinedly optimistic viewpoint i've just championed. I've spent far too long over the last few years pursuing the perfect relationship, the perfect friendships, the perfect (for me at least) future career, and I suspect that i've missed out on some great opportunities along the way because of that.

I'm going to try and change that. Fingers crossed eh?

Football Has A Role To Play

Over the last two months one of the most important relationships in my life went a long way towards being fully mended after a fairly rocky period. This improved state of affairs has come as quite a relief to me, i've relied on this particular bond to keep me sane more times than i could hope to count over the last decade and a half. So many memories spring to mind every time i think of it; Saturday afternoons in the park, evenings spent feeling so tense i barely dare move, bitterly cold Sunday mornings sprinting across muddy fields and several moments where i felt as true a sense of euphoria as i ever have.

The relationship i am talking about is, of course, my loving yet destructively abusive relationship with football.

Football has always been a hugely important factor in my life ever since the moment i attended a frankly dire match between Sheffield United and Charlton in the late 90's. It's odd how memory works, i am only moderately sure that this was my first game, yet am certain it was a pretty shockingly poor match. I only went because i'd won two free tickets. I also think a man with the surname of Tracy was in goal, though I don't doubt I could be wrong.

However, it was enough for me to fall utterly in love with football. I didn't fall in love with either of the two teams though; no my path as a football fan was laid out by my mother, a Forest fan for over 20 years, who witnessed the glory years which i know i'll never see emulated. I won't deny there have been times i have wished i hadn't been "encouraged" to support Forest, especially as i've lived most of my life in Sheffield, but looking at it now as a 20 year old I don't regret it at all.

Perhaps that's a sign of the undeniable fickleness of football fans, seeing as right now isn't the worst time to be a Forest fan, but i reckon the fact i was a season ticket holder throughout the years we were in League One, travelling from Sheffield to most home games and a good number of away games, should excuse me from any accusations of being a fair weather supporter. Anyone who went to Rotherham's old ground will testify that you don't go there if you were faint of heart, regardless of the weather.

It is a cliché about men that they take football too seriously, that they value it above the more 'real' relationships in their life. Anyone who knows me will know that i take most of the relationships that would be considered 'real' far too seriously, so i hope my ramble about football actually gets taken seriously.

As i mentioned earlier, football has given me some of the most pure, unqualified, unquestioning moments of happiness. As mentioned in earlier posts i have a bad tendency to over analyse everything, to be reserved and controlled in the majority of what i do, but if i'm at a football match and Forest score, all of that goes out of the window. The sensation when within the crowd of my team scoring is too a large extent incomparable for me, the intensity of that reaction, so instinctive and powerful is utterly intoxicating. I walk out of the ground after a win and already crave that feeling again.

However over the summer i concede i became fairly disillusioned with football. The frustration and depression of losing to Blackpool in the play offs (potentially my least favourite sporting creation) and the utter shambles of England's world cup campaign leaving my usually high tolerance for footballing dissapointments worryingly stretched.

I was there at the City Ground as Blackpool demolished Forest in the semi final and i was in a pub as i experienced what has to be counted amongst the most intense bursts of hatred i've ever felt, consciously directed towards the officials of the Germany v England game when Frank Lampard's goal wasn't given. I didn't use inverted commas here because it was a goal, the fact it wasn't given was a mistake and to pretend otherwise would be false.

After those two experiences it is understandable that i went into the new season with a cynicism and a pessimism i hadn't previously experienced. A distinctly average start by Forest combined with a less than inspiring start to my second year of university meant that as Forest continued to struggle in the early stages of the season i saw there trials merely as a continuation of my typical luck. I am not an angry guy by any stretch of the imagination, but as i realised the goal hadn't been given i was furious, disbelief and anger combining in a powerful cocktail.

It was the most unlikely of scenarios which sparked my love of football yet again, a dismal 1-0 defeat against Leicester at the Walkers Stadium. It was a shocking game at the ground which encapsulates the issues surrounding both crisp manufacturers sponsoring teams and the limitations of ikea-esque flat pack stadiums. It was the first game i'd been to since the fiasco of the play off's and despite how utterly uninspiring the game was, i became hooked yet again.

There is something about being in the midst of a football crowd that triggers an intensely natural reaction in me. I have never felt anything equivalent to the joy of being part of a collective passion for a certain cause. Football is one of the most powerful and yet at the same time wonderfully inconsequential examples of this. Though i would rile with anger at anyone who uttered the phrase "it's only a game", on some level i know it to be true and love it for that. It's an event which doesn't dictate anything real about the future path of my life, yet inspires in me some wonderfully powerful emotional reactions.

I have had many good days in my life. There are so many memories that stand out throughout my life which i both cherish and protect. Most involve my friends, a large proportion involve music, but a good sized chunk revolve around football.

Undoubtedly one that springs to the forefront is the memory of how i felt when the news that Cheltenham had gone 2-1 up against Doncaster reached me.

Now that may seem like a pretty unusual source of true happiness, but you must know the context to appreciate why it meant so much. It was May 3rd 2008 and i had experienced 3 years following Forest around god awful League One grounds as under the wonderfully inept leadership of Megson (who in a frankly odd moment i saw in a coffee shop in Sheffield today) and Calderwood we struggled to get out of that league. I was at the City Ground that day, as we played a team responsible for one of the darkest days in our club's history, and i remember how conflicted i was when we reached half time 3-1 up while Doncaster were only 1-0 down. I desperately wanted to believe we could get promotion, but my experiences with Forest and success were incredibly limited. Even as i clapped the team off at half time two painful memories sprang to the fore. First was the day when i had to walk into my school in Sheffield following the defeat to Sheffield United in the play offs. The second was spending my Y11 prom checking on the score from the match against Yoevil which we eventually utterly screwed up, thus spoiling what should have been a high point of my teens.

Safe to say i wasn't overly optimistic and this without a doubt played a major part in the utterly pure release of emotion that followed the news that Cheltenham were beating Doncaster, which meant that, as results stood at the time we'd be going up to the Championship. For once luck, the fates or even perhaps the 44 players on the two pitches combined to create potentially the most uniquely happy moment in my life. When the final whistle blew in Nottingham and i knew we were promoted i really can't think of an equivalent moment.

I am someone who is more than prone to over thinking, someone who tends to question every good thing in my life until i can no longer enjoy it, but that day defeated that side of me. The moment when the final whistle blew was one of pure happiness and i loved every minute that followed it while i stayed in the stadium. I even enjoyed the train journey home, on an over-crowded and roasting hot train, such was the blissful state i was in following the game.

There are other moments which come close; Bradford away (a huge away following staying for half an hour after the game to praise the efforts of "Charlie and Frank" in trying to undo the damage of the Megson years), Chelsea away (6000 Reds singing constantly singing despite a dismal performance, plus the greatest banner i have ever seen, the words of which i will put at the bottom of this post), coming from 2-0 down to draw against Leicester at home (with the only decent Lester coming off the bench to score both goals) and the moment two seasons ago when Lee Camp (a former Derby player) saved a penalty in the dying moments against his former club, firmly establishing him as a hero at the City Ground.

All those moments are in the past now though, and as i previously mentioned i was struggling to muster the usual enthusiasm for the current season. However that Leicester game, regardless of how poorly we played, brought me back into the passionate world of football fandom and since then i have felt that same burning desire to be at as many games as i could once again.

The moment i knew that i had truly fell utterly in love with football yet again came on the 15th of January 2011. I went to my first home game since the play off defeat to Blackpool when we played Portsmouth and on an at times farcically windswept pitch, we outplayed them for pretty much the entire 90 minutes yet found ourselves 1-0 down.

However as the clock ticked towards 88 minutes a frustratingly rare example of good football saw us break up field and McGugan put in a cross so dangerous Sonko had no option but to try and cut it out, to disastrous effects as his attempted interception sliced it into his own net. The eruption when that ball hit the net was pretty loud but was nothing when compared to what followed. When on 93 minutes Tudgay flicked on a McGugan free kick and made it 2-1 almost the entire 21,000 at the game went thoroughly, utterly and unreservedly mental, including me.

It was one of those moment which reminded me of why i love football. Coming from behind to win, against a good team, at a time when we needed to win to maintain our pursuit of the promotion challengers; it may seem simple but it is almost indescribably brilliant (though i hope i've come close to capturing some of the wonder involved). As mentioned earlier i tend to by hyper aware of my own actions, constantly conscious of the potential implications of what i do, yet when Tudgay's header hit the back of the net i didn't give the slightest damn what i looked like or how i seemed, i celebrated in a pure and natural way and i loved the moment for allowing me to do so.

All the pessimism and cynicism that had surrounded football for the past 12 months evaporated as the net rippled and i remembered just how happy this "game" could make me. I'd be more than willing to argue this particular point, but even if it is 'just' a game, i will argue until my dying breath that it is the greatest game on earth.

I think too much, worry far too much, struggle with issues of my own creation far too often, yet come 3 o'clock on a Saturday, i couldn't care less about all those issues and for that, even if merely that, i must thank Football.

Since then we've beaten Derby and Bristol and seem poised to really challenge for promotion this season. I don't know what the next few months hold, though my hopes are probably easy to guess.

Even if we fail to go up this year there will be one undeniable plus to the 2010/2011 season; it restored my love for football.