Tomorrow i'm going paint balling for one of my housemate's 21st birthdays. I'm really looking forward to it, though if the weather's like it is today, it's going to be completely roasting running around a forest in overalls and a mask. I've not been paint balling for a few years now but i remember it as great fun, if on occasion quite painful.
I've only got two weeks of lectures left for the entire of second year, which is a bit of a weird thought. It makes it seem like i might eventually have to grow up and be an adult, and frankly i'm not ready for that.
I'm kind of keen to cling to being a student for as long as possible, i think it suits me more than being a fully fledged adult will. I'll no longer be able to use "i'm not even an adult yet" as an excuse for the things that are missing from my life or that i've failed to achieve. It's kind of comforting that there's still this big life change to be had, it's scary to think that after that it's just being an adult for the rest of my life. I suspect the pressure to be something, to find someone and to make somewhere my home will all be more intense for no longer having the justification that i'm a student and am not meant to have decided anything.
Then again i guess it's hard to know how the change will affect me until enough time has passed that i can have perspective.
I guess the life i'm living right now will probably look very different with 5 years perspective for example. I mean i look back at how i was as a 15 year old and i'm not exactly desperate to go back to being like that. I do miss school and some elements of my life then, but i don't miss being that guy. He was even more pathetic and desperate to impress everyone than i am now, which is an achievement. He wasn't the slightest bit comfortable with who he was and let's be honest, he needed a hair cut.
I was in year 10/11, worried about GCSE's and only just starting to realise what kind of a person i wanted to be, rather than simply trying to be the person i thought i should be. I was letting my hair grow to the point that the fringe became utterly ridiculous, without ever taking enough care of it to give it a chance of looking alright.
The only thing i really prefer about the 15 year old version of me is that i used to play football regularly then. I definitely do miss that.
Taking those observations into account, who knows what i'll think of this 20 year old version, once i turn 25. A lot could change between now and then, a lot probably will and there's plenty i hope will change. It'll be interesting if in 5 years time i look back at this blog and see the person i was, whether i'm a better person by then or just a different one. There's plenty of stuff i'd like to think might be different, for a whole host of different reasons, but i guess only time will tell.
I know this blog's been a bit rambling, so to make it feel like there was a good reason for reading, i'll put a few of my favourite songs to listen to when the weather's as good as this.
I think i've posted this before once, but it makes me feel all summery so it's appropriate i post it again here.
This i discovered through one of my favourite films, "Garden State".
And this one is from a Sheffield band that i saw play in Leeds last year.